


The Place I Left Behind

by 2am_limbo



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Adam Parrish-centric, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Robert Parrish, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Adam Parrish, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, POV Ronan Lynch, Past Child Abuse, Robert Parrish Is His Own Warning, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Soft Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:02:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26432359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2am_limbo/pseuds/2am_limbo
Summary: "Come back."It was a simple text message.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 8
Kudos: 190





	The Place I Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Past child abuse. Nothing is in detail, this is some aftermath.
> 
> Sidenote: There is a thought of Ronan's in italics that is not a viewpoint of mine. It is merely a question and viewpoint that I hear a lot from outsiders who don't necessarily understand how abusive relationships affect the psyche.

_Come back._

It was a simple text message. Ronan had only left Adam’s small apartment above St. Agnes maybe 20 minutes prior, and so at first Ronan smiled to himself as he drove and thought about how he already missed Adam, too. But then he thought about it a little harder… Adam had just fallen asleep when Ronan left. He needed to go pick up Opal, and Adam had been dead-ass tired, so Ronan placed his lips to Adam’s forehead and lingered there for a moment before he whispered “I love you.” Adam wouldn’t have woken up that quickly.

Ronan’s breath hitched, and he suddenly made an illegal U-turn without a turn single, which caused several cars to blare their horns at him. He flipped his middle finger out of the open window and sped back to Adam’s.

Ronan took the stairs up to Adam’s apartment two at a time and pounded on his door over and over again. Ronan’s brain was jumping to all of the worst conclusions.

“Adam!” _poundpoundpound_ , no reply. After several more attempts he gave a growl, “Adam fucking Parrish, open the goddamn door,” he said flatly through clenched teeth. Finally, Ronan heard the doorknob turn slowly and unlatch, but the door only cracked open. Ronan slowly pushed the door open and peaked his head in.

“Adam,” Ronan let out the breath he had been holding. “Jesus, fuck…” Adam was standing near the door with his left arm wrapped around his middle, and his right arm hung limply from twisting the doorknob. Adam’s bottom lip was busted and bloody, and there was a small trail of blood that came from his right temple. Bruises were starting to appear around his neck, and his shirt collar was torn. “Jesus,” Ronan whispered again.

Ronan took a step forward to go to Adam, but Adam shuffled back. “Adam, please,” Ronan said as he lifted his hands in surrender and took another step forward, which caused Adam to shuffle backward again. As Adam stepped back, though, his knees buckled, and Ronan caught him in an instant from under the arms and gently brought him down to the floor with him so that his head could rest in Ronan’s lap. Adam turned his head so that most of his face was hidden, and the arm that had been wrapped around his middle now desperately clutched Ronan’s shirt at his side.

“Is anything broken?” Ronan whispered. As he spoke, he could feel Adam’s heart race and then began to marginally slow against his leg where Adam was pressed, but Adam didn’t respond. Ronan sighed and began to run his fingers through Adam’s hair. “Why the fuck was your dad here?” Ronan said softly but angrily. He didn’t want to scare Adam further. He didn’t know for sure that this was Robert’s doing, but he knew. He always knew. 

Adam sucked in a deep breath and struggled to roll over onto his back with his head still in Ronan’s lap. Ronan watched as Adam slid on his detached mask that he knew as Adam’s defense mechanism, but he closed his eyes again and focused on his breathing.

Adam cleared his throat and winced, but then as he looked across the room at nothing in particular, he said “I don’t really know why I’m surprised. It’s not like I didn’t live with this for 17 years.”

“What did he want?” For some reason that Ronan couldn’t ascertain, he didn’t feel that same familiar blind rage building in his chest as he always had in the past whenever the thought of Robert Parrish even crossed his mind. Instead, he was mostly scared for Adam, and he hurt for him. He would always, always want to bash Robert Parrish’s head in the ground, but his protective instincts for this boy outweighed everything else now.

“He was drunk. He said he saw me sitting outside of the trailer in the BMW, and _why the fuck were you watching us, boy, when you were the one who abandoned us_ ,” Adam answered matter-of-factly. Adam lifted his hand and pressed a finger to his throbbing bottom lip to test the wound there. Adam gave an exasperated sigh when he pulled his hand away and saw blood there.

“We need to take you to a doctor to get checked out, Adam. You’re holding your side like something is injured, and --”

“I’m fine,” Adam interrupted and began to sit up. “Had worse.”

It took him a minute with a couple quiet hisses and hitched breaths, but Adam managed to make it to his feet, stumble for a brief second, and then caught his balance on his desk. Finally, unbalanced, Adam made his way to the bathroom and softly closed the door. Ronan remained on the floor for a minute and shook his head as he watched. He was unsure as to why he was feeling this way. He was always overly protective of Adam, he would do absolutely anything for him, but Ronan was also known for his short fuse. He needed for Adam to be okay. He _needed_ for him to be okay, and safe, and comfortable. He wanted to make Adam all of those things. Maybe those feelings were what masked his rage and hatred in regards to this situation. But perhaps he did make Adam feel safe, Ronan realized with a furrow of his brow, maybe that’s why Adam needed him to come back.

Ronan stood up then and walked to the bathroom door. He didn’t knock on the door, but he tapped a couple times before he asked “Can I come in, Parrish?” 

Adam didn’t respond, so Ronan softly opened the door. Adam sat on the toilet with his right hand clenched in his left as he looked off in the distance. He didn’t say a word, but he looked up to Ronan with glassy eyes. He looked lost and broken, and Ronan felt himself deflate at the current sight of the boy he loved. Ronan grabbed a washcloth from where Adam kept them folded and turned on the hot water. After Ronan rang out the rag, he leaned down on the floor in front of Adam and gently pulled his hands apart, which revealed a bloody palm from the pressure Adam had placed with his right hand. Adam looked down at his hand. He hadn’t remembered doing this, and then Ronan wiped his hands clean.

Ronan went to work to clean up Adam’s face. He gently wiped away the blood, blotted some antibiotic cream over the large cut at Adam’s temple, and handed him a cold rag to hold to his bottom lip until they could get some ice. When Ronan was done, he put the rag aside and gently cupped each side of Adam’s face as he pulled him closer to gently press his lips to Adam’s. He felt Adam deflate then as the tension in his shoulders melted away. Ronan hoped that that meant that he no longer felt ashamed for allowing Ronan to help him. Progress.

“This isn’t your fault,” Ronan said softly in Adam’s good ear. “It’s not.” Finally, Adam gave a tiny nod against Ronan’s lips, he would have missed it if he wasn’t paying such close attention. He felt like Adam may finally start to believe him.

“Can I look at your sides? Make sure nothing looks out of place or too bad?” He definitely expected Adam to freeze up, to turn him away with a half-assed excuse, but instead, Adam surprised him. Adam always surprised him.

Adam reached for the hem of his heather grey t-shirt to pull up over his head, but the pain and aches must have kicked in by now because he struggled to lift it up more than only a few inches.

“Here,” Ronan began, “Can you lift your arms up?” Adam did what he was told, albeit rather slow, closed his eyes, and clenched his jaw in pain as Ronan tried to pull his shirt off as fast as he could without hurting him. Ronan took Adam’s hand to help him stand so that he could assess the damage.

“Jesus Christ…” Ronan hissed. Adam’s entire right sight was black and blue, covered in the darkest bruises he has ever seen. In between two ribs, there was an indentation of what looked like some kind of ring, and when Ronan saw that, of all things, that blind rage suddenly blurred his vision. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breaths. _Why didn’t he ever fucking fight back?_

“Ronan?” Adam asked. He sounded almost like a child, it was so gentle and questioning, and just like that, the rage started to simmer down. It was ridiculous how much power Adam had over him.

“Come stay with me at the Barns,” Ronan said in response, “you’ll be safe.” _I’ll keep you safe_. Somehow Adam understood this and loosely wrapped his arms around Ronan’s waist. He placed his cheek on Ronan’s chest then and Ronan hummed as he placed his hands in Adam’s back pockets. He was terrified of hurting Adam further.

“Go sit down, Parrish. I’ll pack you some clothes and stuff.”

Adam sat down on the edge of his bed and watched Ronan meddle around his tiny apartment. When he finished packing, he turned around to Adam to lead him downstairs, but when he turned and saw him, his chest ignited.

“What are you smiling about over there, Parrish?””

“You,” Adam responded smoothly and without hesitation. “You love me.”

Ronan’s eyebrows shot up and he opened his mouth slightly before he could figure out what to say. “Well, yeah, no shit, Parrish,” Ronan said with a grin. Adam wasn’t smiling anymore, though, and Ronan could see the happiness in his eyes with this realization. Ronan’s face fell, though, when he realized that Adam only now came to this conclusion. He swiftly made his way over to Adam.

“Please tell me you aren’t just now believing me after all this time,” Ronan said as he stood between Adam’s knees. Adam looked up to him with the saddest look that Ronan has ever seen, and he suddenly wanted to cry.

“I always believe _you_ , but I don’t understand _how_ and _why_. I mean, look at me,” Adam lifted his hands and gestured vaguely, “I’m fucked up.” Ronan felt like his heart was about to explode out of his chest with this revelation. The pain and heartbreak and _just let me take care of you, I_ want _to take care of you_ , was proving it hard to steady the uneven rhythm in his chest. “I didn’t even know what love _was_ until I met you. I didn’t even know that’s what I was feeling. If my own parents couldn’t love me, then why--” 

Ronan interrupted him by placing a hand on each side of Adam’s face, careful to avoid the cuts and bruises, and placed both thumbs over his mouth. “Shut up, Parrish, and listen to me very closely.” Adam’s mouth sealed shut at Ronan’s tone.

“I have been in love with you since that first fucking day when you helped fix the Pig. There was something about you, something hidden -- no, don’t interrupt me -- it didn’t have anything to do with your life at the trailer, that’s not what I mean. It was _you_. You’re magical. That’s what I felt that day, and I _know_ magic. You’re special, you were made for it, and I saw that before the Pig even broke down. I saw you up ahead, you hadn’t even looked at me yet, and I could _feel_ it.”

Ronan loosely wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck then and drew him in close. He could feel Adam’s chest heaving against his stomach as he desperately tried not to cry.

“How fiercely loyal and devoted you are,” Ronan whispered in Adam’s good ear. “How patient and gentle you are with me even when I’m being a dick, which is probably all the time, let’s be honest,” Adam let out a huff of a laugh and then sniffed.

“How protective you are over those you love. You’d sneak out to come help find me whenever I’d fuck up and not think about the consequences, even though it meant you would get a beating,” Ronan swallowed thickly almost as if he would vomit if he thought about those instances too hard. 

“You work, and work, and work yourself to death. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat, you just work, and then hide away all of these things about yourself that you should never have to hide. You’re not alone. You’re not in this alone. You don’t need to hide. Not from me.” Ronan’s eyes left Adam’s and wandered down to his bruised cheekbone and split lip. He gently smoothed over the bruises and cuts and then placed his lips to Adam’s forehead. Adam closed his eyes and let out a long, audible breath.

“I know it’s hard. But you… You _saved_ me, Parrish. I hadn’t felt anything in so long, since my dad died, just anger and destructiveness. I didn’t care about living, it made no difference to me. And then you came along and changed everything. You helped me see things clearly again, you helped me _feel_ again. So it’s my turn. Let me help carry some of this for you.”

Adam kept his eyes closed and didn’t say anything, but Ronan could feel the shift and change surrounding them in the atmosphere of the little protective barrier that he had built around Adam and himself.

“And then there are _other_ things…” Ronan added in a playful and suggestive tone. “I mean, your hands, for one. _Goddamn_.” Adam chuckled at that and pressed his lips to Ronan’s stomach over his black tank top. “I really fucking like your hands.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Adam pulled away and had a small smile on his face, and his eyes crinkled at the corners. Ronan grinned at him.

“I do love you,” Ronan said after a minute had passed, “and don’t ever fucking question it.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Place I Left Behind *aesthetic*](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27825283) by Anonymous 




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